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Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2003-08-22 - 3:00 p.m.
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Today, I am.......... old. Not just feeling old... but I it is confirmed today that I am indeed old.
Older than Dirt, older than rocks
I was around when rocks were soft and dirt was new....
How did I come to this decision today, you ask... well... let me explain...
My youngest nephew (the one who turned 18 in early July)... is graduating from high school tonight. Yep... he's the little brother of Mr. Bigshot. He's the younger brother, but he appears (at least today) that he's more mature than his older, somewhat starry-eyed brother.
There were times when I could think back and remember what high school was like and what graduating felt like. It was 19 years ago.... and well... while I do remember that I felt scared, and excited and sad all at the same time, I don't really remember much about high school in general. It wasn't that great of a time for me. I didn't really have much of a high school "career". As my love is fond of saying about college, I say the same thing about high school..."The only thing I wanted out of there was me."
Were I to go back to being 18 again, I'd do a lot of things differently, but I would have had to start long before that. When most people were pursuing higher education, I was busy scraping up and patching up people who were total strangers to me. When most people my age were getting drunk, I was taking drunks to the hospital to treat imaginary ills. Now, I don't really begrudge those years, but I really wish I had the foresight to see what my future would be like without College. I wonder what I'd be doing now and if how I perceive myself would be any different than it is now.
As a small child, my parents told me I was smart..I didn't know they'd told that to other people until I was close to 15. My had had invited a much younger co-worker and his wife (they were just starting out) to dinner. His co-worker walked in, looked at me, and said "Is that the genius you've been telling us about for ever?" He turned beet red and tried to change the subject. It made me feel unbelievably good. A year or two later, the office I was working in closed their Richmond location and I found out that I had the opportunity to go back to school and learn a new vocation. I was trying to decide what to do. I walked upstairs to the living room and my dad called me into the "sitting room". He was sitting in his blue rocking chair, and in a very good mood. I sat down and he leaned forward. "I'd like to talk to you for a moment" he said. "I know you've been trying to decide what to do. I want to tell you something, just between you and me." He looked at me in all seriousness and said "out of all of my children, I know that you'll be the one to make something of yourself. Your sister went to nursing school, and well, she had her chance. I can't help but feel that this is your chance. You're smart, your funny and you're a good student. I know you'll do well if it's what you want." It's amazing how one conversation can stick with you for years and years...
I just can't help but wonder what things would have been like if I'd gone the college route out of high school. If I hadn't been so impatient to get out into the world. If I hadn't been distracted by the bright and shiny things of the rest of the world.
Now, don't misundertand me. I enjoy most parts of my life. The only part that I regret is the choices that I made about my education. Those decisions effect my earning potential and in some ways how I see myself. I believe that everything we do effects everything that we WILL do. I tend to describe the decision making process like an interstate. When you're born, your set on an interstate.. and then you decide which exits off the interstate you'll take. Each exit is a major decision, and depending on what decision you make, there are other decisions that must be made after that and each decision changes the route of life. See.. they're all linked...
Had my father not died, had I not been in the process of grieving (I met him two weeks after my father died), had I not agreed to move the wedding up.. I doubt very seriously the wedding would have ever happened (either I would have wizened up about his drinking) or I would have realized that our lives were just too different to be compatible.... I never would have gone to the internet and the world wide web and met my love. Who is to say that had that chain of events never happened, I would be where I am now, surrounded by friends and family that I love. I doubt I would have ever met Sarna, or Gorm, or my SCA friends and acquaintences...had I made one of those decisions I made differently, who knows how things would have turned out.
Had I gone to college, what would have changed? What would be different? Do I regret not going to college. Yes. Do I regret the chain of events that led me to where I am now... no. If I had the choice to go back and get a degree, would I? In a minute. Do I think I'm smart enough to get that degree? I'm not so sure. I have a lot of different fears these days. I don't know if I'm up to the challenge of traditional college life. I'm SO not your typical student.
To sum it up, I'm happy for my nephew. I wish him well and I hope he does great things. He's just getting started with his life and I hope that he's got enough courage and strength to make the decisions that are going to come within the next few years. I want him to have everything that he wants, and above all, regardless of what he chooses, I want him to have happiness.
I wish I had the ability to surf the web... I'd love to put some lyrics here.....
"But above all else, I wish you love" is the only one that comes to mind.
To Chris: You are a handsome, funny, thoughtful, smart and courageous person. While you aren't sure what you want right now, you know the best way to get anywhere is with a good education. While growing up hasn't always been easy, you've managed to do it without too many bumps and bruises. You're a great guy and you're at the start of what it means to be an adult. I haven't been around most of your growing up years, but your parents have done an awesome job. You're making good decisions and you've got great friends and a family that loves you. Congratulations on your graduation and good luck in College. You're an incredible person, and you've already made your aunt proud.
I love you,
Aunt Gina
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