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Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2003-04-22 - 9:33 a.m.
Courtesy, Manners and Honesty
It's been a while since I've written anything even moderately noteworthy. Maybe I should spend more time thinking and less time doing the extemporaneous writing thing.
All I can say is.. what happened to teaching manners to children and what happened to children using them as adults.
Over the past few months to years I've noticed a growing trend of "me-ism". Now you all know my upbringing wasn't completely stellar, but I was taught (and I use) the basics. Please, thank you, holding the door open for someone with packages, saying excuse me when you dart in front of someone, and keeping my mouth shut when a) it's a stranger and b) I don't have anything nice to say.
I can't tell you how many children (or adults for that matter) don't know anything about holding a door, the words please and thank you, and for crying out loud.. EXCUSE ME. I'm sorry isn't part of their vocabulary either.
Holding a door open for someone is one of those little things that makes a society out of individuals. With the days of automatic doors, you rarely see a swinging door these days; but when they're around people do their best to open them just wide enough to get themself through and screw the next guy.
All I can ask is that you please look behind you and see if the person behind you could use a little bit of help and hold the door for them. What would it hurt?
It's not always all about you, you know :)
Yep, I know kids under the age of about 14 have other things on their minds and they're either too shy to say anything or they're not thinking; but you know... I think it was a better society when people could find the time to be resonably civil towards each other and courtesy wasn't something you read about.
What about the little urchin (and I use that term with affection) has tried to squeeze between me and something else to get by. Invariably my toes get trampled on, or I ended up meeting the shelf I'm looking at a LOT closer than I intended.
I was taught that if you accidentally bump into someone, you say either "I'm sorry" or "excuse me". You don't just look at me with a pissed-off expression daring me to speak and then running off to Mommy or Daddy to protect them from the mean horrible woman.
How about just slowing down a bit and saying excuse me, or even saying it as you dart over my toes... at least it acknowledges the other person.
Staring at people, whispering and pointing is another of those manners types of things that people just don't get.
It goes along with the adage of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything". Don't think that people don't notice when your head whips around like you've got a case of whiplash. Don't think they don't see you pointing or worse yet.. hearing the sound of whispers but not knowing what you're saying.
In short, acceptance of differences isn't entirely a sucky thing.
I just don't understand how people think that other people (i.e. strangers) WANT their comments and quips..... what gives them the right to think that what they say is of any value to the recipient, especially if it's *meant* to be hurtful?
Now, if I ask you if this cowprint undertunic makes me look like a cow... If I ASK, I expect you to look at me and say "mooo". But by that same token, if I wear it and approach you and don't ask... don't look at me and call me a cow....in short dosn't tell me. If I'd wanted to know, I'd ask. Fair enough?
No, this one hasn't happened to me recently, but it does make you think.
This really isn't a rant.. it's a commentary on people in general.
A couple of weeks ago... Gorm and I bought a hose reel for our house. It wasn't expensive, but when we checked out, we put it on the bottom of our cart. When we loaded everything else we bought in the truck, we drove off, leaving the hose reel in the bottom of the cart. We realized our mistake once we got home and immediately made a u-turn to go back to try and find it. It was gone, as we knew it would be. After spending time with people who value curtesy and honesty it's always a bit of a jar when you remember that you're in the mundane world and not everyone thinks they way you try to.
I have to say that I defeinitely prefer the honesty and courtesy and manners that I've found in the SCA. (Although it's not all that amusing when I see someone break their neck to carry something for a pretty young lady when the old married ladies could use some help too :)
Please don't forget to answer my survey... it's research for a small business idea... all comments appreciated, no reasonable offer refused!!! It won't take five minutes, I PROMISE!
