Direction
Mooest
Old Moos
Moo to Me
Go to Diaryland
Sign My Guestbook!
Read My Profile
Rivers Point Webpage
Favorite URLs
Light a candle
<
My Trading Card
Pictures
The Family
More Furfamily pictures
Quizzes
Prince or Princess
Star Wars Test
100 Acre Wood Test
What Element am I
What Mythical Creature am I
Political Affiliation
Peanuts Character
Atlantian Duke
My Words
One Nation. . .
My Best Day
MY Journey
2002 Retrospection
Let There Be Peace
War Pictures
Best Stolen Stuff
Frodo Has Failed
Archived Pages
Entry 501-Present
Entry 401-500
Entry 301-400
Entry 201-300
Entry 101-200
Entry 1-100
Last Five Entries
Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2003-04-01 - 2:30 p.m.
Appointment today
Things are fine, lots to do; I'm still nauseated, and I've got some calls to make and things to think about.
More later.... maybe
It's later.. and after checking on a few things....
All I can say is God (or someone) has a cruel sense of humor. That's what I get for thinking.
To explain a bit... I had an appointment today with my doctor and the subject of infertility came up and we discussed it and I found out that it's a POSSIBILITY that my love and I could be parents after all.
I talked with my love about it and then I started the fact finding mission that was the result of that conversation. Within minutes, I hit a brick wall. Infertility treatment of ANY type is not covered by my insurance. The drug (Clomid) is not covered. I did some looking on the web and found it costs $150 per month. There is a company in Canada that will ship it for $80 per month (plus $12 shipping and handling, and there are no guarantees it will get here.. they do NOT accept any responsibility for anything once it leaves their shipping docks.
I have a call into my doctor to find out what tests are needed and the cost of those tests. Medical tests are usually expensive, and this may be more than we can afford.
According to the literature I've read, the clomid will work within the first three months or it won't work at all. There is a 90% chance it will work in my situation. That's the best guarantee anyone can get.
I don't know if my doctor would help us out, but there might be ways to get the insurance to cover some of the medical tests... he'd have to code the tests with a different diagnosis, and that would essentially be lying.
I know it's done all the time, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to ask someone to lie for me.
Who knows.. they've done all sorts of medical tests already.. maybe there aren't any.
Maybe the blood test I had done today will show that I'm in early menopause and all of this will be for nothing.
I just know that according to him, thanks to my other problems, I don't have a heck of a lot of time to keep going over this. He told me today to decide "sooner rather than later".
Of course all of this talk set my heart on a path that my head couldn't stop in time and when I found out that my insurance won't cover it, I was upset to say the least.
I'm not down for the count yet... but it doesn't look promising.
I'll let you know what I find out; but don't be too hopeful... it just may be more than we can afford.
Why does it have to be this way?
I keep putting this question away, and it keeps coming back to me. I just can't bear to put it away permanently. My heart won't let me. My head knows there's no chance, but everytime there's a mention of "might" my heart goes off and soars over the rainbow. I think about what it would be like to have a little "Gorm" or a little "Rhi" or more to the point a Gor-iannon; my heart starts my brain thinking about names and all making all sorts of plans and then when it doesn't work out, I'm heartsore for a few days/weeks/months.
It's not right. I could go on, but I won't. This is more of an emotional topic for me than I thought.
I just don't know what the right thing to do is. If we don't/can't scrape up the money for it, will we hate each other later? Will he hate me for making this so difficult? Should we just be happy with what we have and not
tempt fate. I just don't have the answers.
Soothe my heart
calm my mind
Make all of this work out
in the way it should
I want to say that if it's meant to be, it will be; but as per usual, I can't help wondering if fate needs a helping hand.
Please don't forget to answer my survey... it's research for a small business idea... all comments appreciated, no reasonable offer refused!!! It won't take five minutes, I PROMISE!
