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Last Five Entries
Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2003-02-27 - 4:27 p.m.
Somewhere in the middle
I've been thinking about the tirade on the Merry Rose (I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to); and while part of me thinks to some degree it's "about time" there's another part of me that has to wonder a few things.
In case you're wondering, this isn't about the contents of the tirade, this is more about the why and wherefore, if you will.
I understand anger about as well as the next person. I know that white-hot seething rage that makes you fire off an email or worse yet, shoot off your mouth. At the time it was written or said, you meant it surely as the sun rises tomorrow; but when cooler heads prevailed perhaps that was not the most prudent thing to do. A good defense is "well, it's the truth and I stand by it."
I learned a while back that if there's two sides to a situation, the "truth" of the matter usually lies somewhere in between.
Truth can be subjective in more ways that we can count. Guaranteed, six people can see something, but each recount is different. That's their own individual truth. When there's a robbery and they question the people who were witnesses, they will each have a different description; but the central truth is.. there was a robbery. Sometimes you have to dig to find the real truth in someone's statements. They're easily clouded by judgment and emotion, as it was all too plain to see. There was lots of pain in those lines.
I will admit that I've heard some really horrid things about one of the people involved, and the other I wouldn't know if he walked up to me and introduced himself. In the light of day, that really doesn't matter. The fact that they are peers is sad; the fact that it was made public is even more sad.
Somehow I feel the need to ask where chivalry and couresy went. There are ways adults act when faced with such a problem. I hope and pray that this isn't the way. It certainly isn't the way I'd like to believe civilized people choose behave when they feel unjustly treated within our beloved rendition of the Middle Ages.
When it comes to online, I've been a big fan of "if I'm not there for the beginning, don't drag me in at the end"; meaning it's none of my business. There is nothing on either side that can be gained by the exchange. It isn't going to make the other "see the light" and it's certainly not going to make things better. How are we as keepers of Atlantia's trust served by such things? Not well is my guess. I'm all for a kindler, gentler way of dealing with things. I know, I know, sometimes it's just not possible. Then you keep your own counsel and hope (and sometimes pray) that the person you have a problem with will mellow and then be approachable, while at the same time examining your own heart to be certain that what you feel and "know" to be true is genuine and that your emotion is supported by your facts.
If these two "gentlemen" had issues with each other (or one with the other) perhaps it might have been better to find a different form than the Merry Rose. That is another window to the public. Is that the appropriate place to air dirty laundry of a private nature? (Or of a public nature for that matter).
There is always the moral highground. If you lower yourself to someone else's standards, what does that make you?
Part of this hit home for me because I too have someone in my life who gets a little hot very quickly when the right buttons are pushed and once that button is pressed it goes up the ladder like a rocket; most of the time, I can make him see reason, sometimes I have to let him reason it out on his own but I love him no matter what.
I think that attitude says a lot. I also feel that perhaps it's not up to one person to be the spokesperson for everyone who was "wronged". In this instance, to repeat the offensivewords does nothing but stirs up ire and hurt feelings. Again, what does that really accomplish?
As my father used to say "He's in there with his stirrin' stick" making things worse more often than not.
I *have* to believe that there were some major misperceptions, miscommunications and things just got FUBAR'd all the way around.
As I've learned in the past year.. you can let anger eat at you making you a bitter person ready to be hurt, or you can decide that perhaps this person is just a little backwards. Just because they're a Peer doesn't mean they've been granted powers from God during their Peerage ceremony to be understanding, all knowing and gracious 100% of the time.
As a friend once said... don't attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity (or something to that effect, but you get my point).
We all have opened our mouths at one time or another and have been embarrassed when the dumbest most insensitive things have fallen out. We'd love to take them back (provided we know they fell out); but not everyone ALWAYS knows
Even peers are human!
There's your truth and my truth and the real truth is somewhere in the middle.
Here is the place for me to state my truth.. The Merry Rose isn't necessarily the best place in the world to tell everyone your truth.
As it has often been said... I may not agree with what you said, but I will defend your right to say it... but there *is* a time and a place for everything. I just have a hard time believing that the Merry Rose is that place.
I got blasted about a month ago because a flamewar erupted on the list and I basically responded with a "I don't post here very often, but this really isn't germane to the list... the list owner had posted private email exchanges between her and another person on the list and I said that it was belief that there was an invasion of privacy and I didn't think the list was appropriate. I received a very terse reply basically asking me who I thought I was and that it was perfectly find since it was "list business". My reply was that if it started out as a private email exchange, then it was personal and not list business; regardless of what allusions were made on the list. As the list owner she had a choice to take the moral high ground and not make this a huge deal or she could just unsubscribe the person and be done with it, but I didn't feel it was appropriate to air someone's dirty laundry without their permission. He rtone to me was more than condescending and downright rude. No one has my permission to treat me in that way, so I decided that if that was how she decided to treat the people on her list that I didn't need to be a part of it any longer and I unsubscribed. I removed myself from the situation. Arguing with her was not going to make the situation better and all it served to do was to make others squirmingly uncomfy. Not good.
Again, another case of the truth being somewhere in the middle.
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