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Last Five Entries
Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2003-02-14 - 9:10 a.m.
A VD Message
I'm sure you all knew this was coming... it *IS* Valentine's Day after all, and I'm in an incredibly romantic mood (too bad I'm at work). Today is about love and commercialism. I've decided to leave the commercialism to others and spend the time talking about MY love.
If sappy love turns your stomach, then this is probably not the place for you. If you don't mind, then please, by all means, continue on, but you have been warned!
My love, this is our sixth Valentine's Day. The first one was about moose-ya and candles. The sixth one is about a goose down mattress topper so we could get a good night's sleep on a bed that should be retired. My, how things have changed. Over the past six years, we've both changed quite a lot, and I wouldn't give up any of it. I've told you all of this before, in lots of other ways throughout the year, but it bears repeating.
As I told you just last night. I love my life. I have unconditional love and acceptance everywhere I turn. The animals give it because for them they don't know there's another option. But you, you make the choice to support me and take care of me and love me. That's the really special part of who you are.
Right from the beginning you were there working behind the scenes, giving me strength, love and quiet effort. You stood up for me with my family in ways no one ever has. You took what was there and you nurtured it and let it grow.
It's because of your love and the love of friends that I am where I am now. For the past few years, since you met me actually, I've been very pessimistic about others. I was convinced that people were inherently evil and out to hurt me. It was a self fulfilling prophecy, but I couldn't see it at the time. But you held on and stayed. You did your best to intercede, smooth ruffled feathers between me and those people as best you could; and when you couldn't, you were there to pick up the pieces. More times than I can really count.
Because you love me so completely, I'm able to see things differently than I once did. That's part of the reason why things are different for me now. It's a huge part of why my attitude and opinions have gone through many changes in the past six years.
I don't shut people out, and I don't stand there and judge people on their ability to hurt me. While I'm not ready to throw the door to my heart open wide, I am able to open it up enough to see people in a better light and to be more hopeful of life in general.
When I think of you, I think of a scene from a really corny movie (stay with me here...) in this movie, a man spends several years trying to contact his wife who died. He finds three ghosts who are three real degenerates. He makes a deal with them to see his wife one more time. Just as he figures they're not going to come through for him, this beautiful light pierces the darkness and a beautiful woman appears. When he asks why he couldn't contact her before, she smiles and says, you loved me so completely in life that I have no unfinished business; and after that, she disappears (yep, it was really corny cinematography, but the words are what I'm after).
I know what it means to be loved like that... to be loved completely. I know what it means to have the person you love tell you you're beautiful and mean it. I know what it means to have someone tell you you can do anything, and mean it. I know what it is to have someone so completely in your corner that they will move everything in their power to make what you need to, happen. I know what it's like to look at someone and see the love in their heart, everyday.
You've given me the best gift I could ever have (and no, I don't mean the bed topper). You once gave me a heart shaped necklace with a few small cz's in it. I loved it, but the cat did too, and it disappeared. I found it again, when we moved about a year later. I realized then that diamonds (or in this case, cubic zirconia) aren't forever, true love is.
You accept me for who I am and you love me for all of my faults and foibles. You care for me when I'm sick, you're there to have fun with, when I'm well. You're there to back me up in more ways than I can count. You make me laugh when I need it most. You make our home a safe haven from the hectic and sometimes stressful work day. You make it a wonderful place to come to. You are the reason that after six years now, I'm still excited to come home at the end of the day. At around 4:55 every day, my heart leaps and I start smiling. I know this is almost over and I can be with the one I love and the one who loves me.
You are my true love, there's a part of you in my heart and will always be there. It's taken me a while, but I've stopped worrying about what I would do if you leave. I now think about what how we'll when we're old and gray and in the nursing home.
Knowing you, you'll still tell me I'm beautiful and you'll love me no matter what.
I'm so glad I found you in that chat room. I never would have found another like you; and I'm glad I have you in my life. There will never be another one like you. You are the only one for my heart.
You once told me that you'll stop loving me 20 minutes after I stop loving you. When I asked you why 20 minutes, you said it was so I'd have time to change my mind. How thoughtful! But you need not worry. I'm not going anywhere without you. Spending time away from you is hell. Spending time with you is heaven.
No matter what happens, you're my heart and My Love. Nothing will ever change that.
Thank you for the past six Valentine's Days, and I'm looking forward to the next sixty.
I love you.
To add an update to how much I love this man.. he just told me that my very much loved bird died. The one he gave me for a christmas present 4 years ago. We don't know what happened, but Riley's gone. He let me know as gently as he could, and he let me cry in his ear, then he asked me if I wanted him to take care of it for me.
I didn't want him to, but being at this godforsaken place of employment, I can't just leave. Unfortunately, they don't understand or feel about pets the way that I do (maybe I'm overboard about it, I don't know). To tell them I need to leave to bury my bird just don't cut it around there.
But at any rate, I wouldn't be able to take care of Riley's remains until I got home, which it would be too dark by then; and the thought of making it wait til tomorrow is just something I can't deal with either. I'm stuck between a rock and hard place; so my love offered to help me. He loves our animals as much as I do; but he's the more practical one. I know he's hoping to spare me pain and anguish. I just wish I could be there with him to hold his hand, he's just as big a softie about our animals as I am (you should have seen him when Clawed was missing).
Riley was a sweet bird; and I'm going to miss him. He could even talk. He was sooo cute, you just had to meet him once to fall in love with him. He had such a personality and such attitude. We always joked that he wanted to fertilize Alan's eggs! He just thought Alan was the be all end all of a mate. Heck, he even tried the love-nod.
I can't stand quiet anymore, after four years, It seems foreign. The house is going to be so strange without that quiet little chirp in the mornings when it's just me, sphygo and him. In the mornings I'd flip on the lights and call out "Good Morning Birdy Boy" and he's sing to me. I'm really going to miss him.
When I spoke to Alan on the phone, there was a very tiny part of me that wanted to go to the petsmart and replace him; but that wouldn't be right for a number of reasons. One of which, Riley meant more to me than that; he's not disposable, and the other reason is more to the point. With two cats, two dogs and the rest of everything we have going on, another bird probably isn't the right thing right now. In hind sight, I wonder if a better home would have given him a longer life. Our house is rather hectic to say the least.
I'm sorry, I digress. To get back to what I was trying to say was that my love cares for me so much, he's willing to do something more than a little distasteful, and by himself because he knows how much death of anything tears me up inside. My love cares about me so much, he'll take care of this for me because I can't do it myself right now and he knows how much that really hurts my heart right now. He will do this horrible thing because he has to, for me, no matter how much it hurts him. God, I love that man.
I'm sorry to end our 6th Valentine's Day this way, sweetheart. Please know that I love you with everything I have and I'd give it all up for you in a second. You are my heart.
Gina
You are the love of my life
the keeper of my heart
and the light on my path.
Without you I'd be lost
and adrift. Thank you.
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