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Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2002-12-20 - 10:00 a.m.
Christmas Nostalgia and Thoughts
Well, I pulled off what I thought would be a miracle last night. After I got home, I went right back out again, to the Michael's and then to the *gasp* walmart. The Wal Mart took ages. I got home at 8:00 and settled down to start on the cookies... they were done by like 9:30, and I was able to finally sit down and eat dinner.
While I was waiting in line to check out at the Wal Mart, I ended up sandwiched between two groups of people. One was a woman of possible middle-eastern descent with two children; one about 5, one about 2ish or so. This lady and I stood there in line chatting about our days and how much we both had to do before Christmas. It was a nice, lighthearted exchange and in the end we wished each other a Merry Christmas. The woman behind me was the opposite of the lady I'd talked to. This woman was very large, and blonde, that's not my point, though. This woman did not have a kind or nice thing to say to anyone, even her own child. The words that came out of her mouth would make a sailor blush, to put it nicely and she was saying these things to her kid. Every sentence started out with a "God Damn" and ended with "sh*it". The kid was not phased by this, giving me an indication he'd heard this all before. She wasn't exasperated.. she truthfully appeared drunk on her behind, and a belligerant drunk at that. What a wonderful way to have Christmas.
The only thing that didn't get done was the decorating of the gingerbread cookies.. that's for this weekend, if at all.
Honeypuppy got a bath this morning, and let me say she was NOT happy about it. I took the towel that Sphygo had chewed up and cut it up into wash cloths and dog towels. It all worked wonderfully well.
Today is the office cristmas lunch. We brought sweetish meatballs. On top of the stuff for that, we also brought some of the Mocha chocolate chip cookies (ask Sorcha and Andrew about them...if they remember). I also gave two dozen to a couple of co-workers as gifts.
I didn't do the sugar cookies like I wanted to, there just wasn't enough time yet. I did get the frosting made to decorate the gingerbread snowmen, so we'll see how it goes.
We're going to Home Depot tonight to get the last of the christmas presents then home to wrap them all.
I believe we're planning on a non-eventful weekend.. YEAY us! We've been so busy with working overtime and making up time to be missed that we haven't really had much time to settle in and just be us.
As for Sphygo, he's settling in nicely, and has now decided that he's not about to give an inch to Honey, period. Last night, they got into a pretty good tussle over a ball. It used to be honey's, but she never played with it, now Sphygo wants it, and suddenly, it's hers again. The two of them tricked each other out of the ball about six times apiece before they finally had a throw down over it. Because of the difference in size, Alan had to break up the fight (I was in the midst of cookies when it happened). Neither dog is worse for the wear... just a lot of loud talkin' bad stuff, and some lunges, but nothing ultra serious. Sphygo is turning into a real loveable baby. Last night, he hopped up on the bed and laid down beside me and half across me, with the biggest brownest eyes full of love. I petted him for a while, then He feels at home now, it's really evident. I'm glad.
Over the holidays, we're having a friend come and stay with the pets while we're in PA. I'm a little concerned about leaving them, but I know they'll be in good hands.
I've been pretty nostalgic approaching this Christmas and going in and out of a little depression cycle (it happens when your worst "fear" is confirmed. Basically, medically speaking, the PCOS is permanent. It won't go away, neither will the diabetes.. I'm in it for the rest of my life. Accompanied with that is the fact that unless there's a miracle, Alan and I won't be having kids. I've been surrounded by a holiday that's been designed for Children. Everywhere you look, you see Children and hear about Santa. I not only love kids, I adore them, but I now know there aren't going to be any at our house for Christmas.
I've been struggling with a "what's the use" mentality and vascillated between wishing it would just go away and trying to make it "the best Christmas ever" for those I love.
We didn't decorate this year, after the appointment, and knowing we'd be at his parents for the holiday, it just seemed like a waste of effort. The holiday I have always looked forward to all year long now just seems so... not there. I can't really explain it.
Once I became an adult, I always wanted my own Christmas traditions and to make things great at Christmas for my kids. I just knew that some day I'd be able to see the wonder and excitement of Christmas on my own kids.
Any Christmas traditions I had as a kid will end. There's no point in making Christmas traditions for the two of us. Who will it impress? There isn't anyone other than the two of us who'll care in 30 years.
This is the hardest time for me. For the rest of the year, I can deal with it.. but Christmas.. that's different. It's for the kids. When you don't have any and you KNOW you won't ever have any, it cuts a lot deeper than usual.
I'm not trying to be depressive here. Honestly, I'm not. This is what's roaming around in my heart these days, making it hard for anything else to reside there. I needed to get it out so I can make room for other things.
I'm working for a few hours tomorrow, but other than that, not much is happening this weekend(other than some much needed puppy appreciation for two very eager puppies). Sunday will be quiet as we wrap presents and get things together for the trip. We work on Monday and half a day on Tuesday, and we leave from work for PA.
If I don't "see" ya'll, which I probably won't, have a wonderful Christmas and try to see it through
the wonder and imagination of a Child...Nothing beats that... nothing.
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