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2003-06-11 - 7:31 p.m. Internet access..... DENIED I no have no internet access during the day, so if you email me at any address other than my work one, don't expect a reply for a while. That's just the way it is. While it really shouldn't bother me much, it really does. A lot more than I thought it would. See, thanks to those people I work with, I make it a practice of really not speaking to anyone other than the prerequisite smile and "good morning, how're you" conversations that normal people engage in in passing. I figure if I don't speak, they can't give me a hard time for being "negative". I can think it all day long, but as long as I don't SAY it, I'm good for another few days at least. So... email was my contact with the outside world. I might not have spoken to the people I work with face to face, but at least I could email with people I like through my home email accounts (yes, I have more than one). But that's all history now, and when it happened, I was feeling more than a little isolated and lost. I thought I would lose my mind. See, I've come to a realization.... where once I didn't need contact and I was safe and happy in my cocoon of my own making, now, I find I need contact with people. I have a need to reach out and be reached. Now that it's taken away for the most part (my work email does get outside the company, but I can't "overtax" the servers with a lot of "useless" emails); I realize how much that part of me has changed. Email has become a lifeline in a world of shoving paper and checking other people's data entry skills. When they restricted my access from diaryland during the day, I could adjust. It meant that I would have to wait until I got home to catch up with the people I consider my friends, but I can adjust. It's not like anyone was there waiting for a response from me. It's all rather 20 minutes ago. But email is different. Way different. I feel as if I'm in solitary confinement permanently. At least felons in solitary confinement did something to get there. All I did was get up and get dressed and go to work. They didn't just restrict MY internet access, they decided that all Claims Specialists didn't need internet access anymore so they cut it for everyone. Their rationale is that we have 10 poeple who are working with experimental Citrix servers and they can't use the internet because the refresh rate of webpages wreaks havoc with the servers, so if 10 can't have it, no one can. They aren't singling me out, so I'm not paranoid, I'm just going through withdrawal. For 9 hours a day, I feel very isolated and alone. That's really hard when you consider that of the 16 hours I'm awake, 9 of them are at work. Please don't forget to answer my survey... it's research for a small business idea... all comments appreciated, no reasonable offer refused!!! It won't take five minutes, I PROMISE! |