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Last Five Entries
Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2002-09-08 - 8:32 a.m.
Changing the scope of Me
going to Coronation was pretyt neat. I didn't get to see a whole lot, I was in the A&S building helping with the Heralds consult table, but I did get to see the last court of Logan and Isabel and the first court of Cuan and Padraigan.
I do have to say that I was sad that Isabel's reign was coming to an end, and a bit confused by the fact that one of the officers chose to give personal fealty instead of swearing to uphold their office (or in addition to). I guess it's a personal choice, but in my opinion (which no one asked for); it makes the position seem unimportant or something. But as I said, no one asked me and it's not my place to judge.
Going to court is always intersting. I used to avoid going to court. No one I knew was getting anything, and I knew I certainly wasn't going to get called, so why bother. Now I go, knowing that I'm not going to get called, but it's fun watching the people I sort of know (at least on a superficial level), getting called into court and receiving awards for excellent service or A&S. That's the good part. The part that always makes me sad is that I want those things, too. I want them to have those well-deserved accolades, but I want it just as badly for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of these people, not in the slightest. They deserved their recognition, and I'm not there yet... but I want to be. It's all part of a process, and I'm at the beginning of mine, still taking baby steps, it's just hard to remember that sometimes.
I can't shake the fact that I feel like I've failed in an important job. I know it wasn't my fault, but I still feel as if that was my one chance to do something really well, and I blew it. That chance is probably never going to come my way again, so I need to find another form of service that I can do.
I already serve my Barony and my Canton, and I am supportive of my love's labors for the Kingdom deputy office he holds, but I am still searching for the "me" service thing that I can do.
Perhaps that's just what I'm good at. Perhaps I'm good at a lot of things, but just not great at any one thing. Since we've been members of the SCA, I've never really given myself the opportunity to find out what I excel at, I've been so busy trying to plug holes and fill perceived needs so to speak that I've not been able to concentrate on a few things or even one thing at a time. That's going to change.
In just a few hours, the borrowed sewing machine will be gone, and after a visit with my sister, that part of things will be over and I'll have my loom back and I can get to learning how to weave. That loom's been sititng there for almost a year, waiting patiently.
Now, I just need to find someone who weaves that I can ask questions of and show my work (with a little bit of thoughtful constructive criticism, perhaps I can learn to be better at it).
Shortly, I'll be getting another warrant, as the College of Heralds exchequer. The one we had is no longer a Member, so there was a need... what can I say....
Because of that and other reasons I choose not to go into, I am considering giving up another office I hold and asking that the warrant for that office be revoked. It's by my choice, but when you consider that I'm a warranted Herald, a Warranted Chirurgeon, a warranted MOL, soon to be a warranted Exchequer for the college of Heralds, I'm also the chronicler and Deputy Seneschal for my Canton, and the Baronial MOL; as well as a support system for Gorm, it leaves me very little time for much else. It's a complicated existence with too many hats.
In short, I've decided to concentrate my efforts on where I think I can do the most good, where I believe my talents lie and where I think my time should follow.
I believe I'm a good Chirurgeon. I've been told so by a few people I hold in high esteem (more than just the people in my household); I believe that I'm a good chronicler and deputy seneschal for the canton (although I've not had a chance to do much as a deputy seneschal yet); but I know I can take meeting minutes, I'm working on the Herald stuff (I'm leaning more towards armory than names); and I know I can do the exchequer stuff, but the one job that's always been a source of stress for me is the MOL.
Yep, it's all about pushing paper and running tournaments, but I've only done ONE tournament in the entire time I've been in the SCA, that was the day I was trained. Since then, nada, zip, zilch. In short, I don't feel like I know what I'm doing to save my life. I don't feel like I've had enough experience to be a baronial MOL, and since most of the folks who run events have their own personal MOLs to help with the evens, I don't really see the need for me to hold the office.
Basically, the decision is, once I can find a reasonable replacement, I plan to vacate the position to another more favorable candidate and have my warrant rescinded.
Yep, it's only one thing, but it would be a load off my mind. I've had the job for a year now, and I've been called to fulfill that position exactly once. I've been called to MOL a tournament exactly twice in four years.
Due to one position or another, I've not been able to fight at Kingdom's Crusades in the past two years. That's my event, the one I really love to fight in, especially combat archery.
I've approached one person about taking over the job, if she says yes, then I'm going to do a turnover asap and go from there.
I feel like a jack of all trades, master/mistress of none. This isn't helping me find my way, so I need to broaden my path in one way, and refine it in another way, if that makes any sense at all.
Time to get ready to move the machine from hell.
Please don't forget to answer my survey... it's research for a small business idea... all comments appreciated, no reasonable offer refused!!! It won't take five minutes, I PROMISE!
