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Last Five Entries
Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2002-07-22 - 12:22 a.m.
I'm sorry
Well, I really messed up by the numbers this weekend. A lot of stuff got done, but at a really big expense and I don't mean money. I came close to really tromping on two people I care about very deeply. How much damage I actually did, remains to be seen unfortuantely.
I've been thinking about this for almost 12 hours now, and all I can come up with is how sorry I am and the bald face fact is, I was wrong, in just about everything. Three's no escaping it. I just know I was wrong. Wrong about so many different things that I can't even list them.
I could spend a few paragraphs defending my actions and blaming others for my faults, but I won't. They are mine and for once in my life, I'm going to do the grown up thing and accept responsibility for *my* actions.
To those people, I apologize and humbly ask for your forgiveness for my actions and behavior this weekend. I was wrong. I didn't see it at the time it was happening but I also wasn't looking, which makes this even worse to me. I have deeply offended you both, and perhaps done some irreparable damage.
All I can do at this point is admit my fault in the circumstances, make a heartfelt promise that I will do my best to make sure none of what I'm to blame for happens again, and hope that you both can forgive me.
I never set out for any of it to happen, sometimes I plow forward and I don't think about how what I do and say and that my reactions affect the other people around me. That's not an excuse, it's an explanation.
I never meant to cause anyone a moment of hardship or problems. I don't want to hurt either of you and that the fact that I did has just torn me up inside. It's 12:30; and I'm still awake thinking over the entire weekend and what I did wrong and how I can make amends. The truth is, there is no way to make amends for the past. You can't unring a bell. I can't stop thinking about it and the fact that I hurt two people that are my family. I'm not perfect, and I've got issues of my own as well (which I won't go into now, it's a bit too personal, even for here), I just hope that both of you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for this weekend.
I don't know how to make amends for it all, and I'm not really sure it would do any good at this point. All I can do is offer my apology (and here it is, in public after all); try to learn from my mistakes this weekend and do my best to be sure it never happens again and hope I'll get the chance to prove I've learned from this.
Please tell me you forgive me.
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