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Veteran's Day and an Etiquette Question
2002-02-15 - 11:21 a.m.
Men are from Mars; Women from Venus
Today's not a bad day. As usual, I go through and read my friends diaries before I post to my own, to see if anything "sparks" the conversation brain cell... and Colin-g's did just that. In his entry today, he talked about the Men are from Mars book. I read that book quite a while back when I was having a really hard time communicating with my SO at the time (read WAY ex-husband). It was written really well and with HUMOR, something those dry-self help books are very good at.
I learned a lot reading that book.
Point number one: Just because a woman talks about a problem doesn't mean she wants you to solve it for her. She wants empathy and understanding.. she'll solve it herself.
Point number two: If he's mad and he goes into another room, it's not the end of the world, let him go, don't traipse after him asking if he's okay, does he need to talk about it, looking for your own affirmation. More often than not, he will come back. The chasing after him and the affirmation that things will be okay is YOUR problem not his. Give him space.
Point Number tree: Your security issues are yours, not his (or vice versa).
Point Number Four: Say "exactly" what you mean, don't expect him to read between the lines. When you say "Honey, I think the carpet in the bedroom is a beautiful shade of blue but the red flecks aren't exactly right, and the cream in the drapes doesn't go well with the walls and the pillows need refluffing" He hears, I hate the whole stinking mess and want to redecorate! While what you were trying to say was you wanted to go shopping to find a slipcover. If you want him to do something, don't hint, tell him... "Honey, I'd like you to do X now if you're not busy." Don't get pissed at him if you make comments about the trash can being full and two hours later it's still full. He can't know what you really mean unless you tell him.
I'm by no means perfect at all of this, but I'm a LOT better than I was. I've recommended this book to several friends over the years, and I'm not sure if any of them ever read it. I can say it sure opened my eyes.
Please don't forget to answer my survey... it's research for a small business idea... all comments appreciated, no reasonable offer refused!!! It won't take five minutes, I PROMISE!
